9/29/24

Happy Birthday, Candace

I woke up this morning feeling as though I'd been run over by a tractor.  I couldn't believe it was still raining and that I was not going to move smoothly in any way, shape or form.  I knew I had an appointment at the hospital but I didn't know for what test and I didn't know if I was meant to prepare for said test in any which way.  So I had fasted for 12 hours and kept my bladder full.  Made it to the hospital and found my ultrasound tech and once again watched a stranger look inside me and determine whether I would live or die, or so it felt.  And of course, I don't have the answer. 

Kevin and I ate at the Coop, I so want my normal life back.  I had fun having a pal next to me for the 3 days.  It was nice to have each others' backs and develop new in jokes.  And to have someone to debrief the multitude of small experiences that sprinkled the whole time.  So many little moments that sparked joy and in the end left me marinated in grief.

I took a nap for the first time in 3 days.  I slept hard and woke up by the phone, startled by the urologists office wanting to schedule an appointment sooner rather than later.  Didn't ease my nerves any.  Now I will just read and sleep and be ready for a new week.