August 26, 2026

This was taken yesterday in hopes that it is the last picture in 2026 of me coming out of anesthetic.  In this one my hair is choking me, too. Yesterday's surgical procedure went really well, they got all the other stones out of the good kidney and removed the bag they placed in my back.  It's amazing after 2 weeks of living with something you get used to it.  Tonight I feel like I lost an appendage.  I also feel relief, but I am amazed at how much I look for the bag. 

I slept well last night and today I was slightly unbalanced, but I went out to the market with Patrick and survived it.  I may try to drive tomorrow.

I'm surprised at my inability to write.  You'd think I would have done a lot of it in order to process this experience.  But writing has not flowed, yet.  I'm going to try and walk a little everyday.  Maybe I will try to write 5 minutes a day, too.  

I think the most overwhelming part of all of this is how quickly I became so dependent on loved ones and of course at how quickly they all came through.  I am so surrounded by golden light.  The safety and warmth that radiates from my community is tremendous.  But I am not comfortable with dependency, so I am a little cautious of my feelings.  My own love for others feels like it is blowing up dozens of helium balloons. And again, that is scary.   It's so complex and yet you would  think it was the easiest most comforting thing  in the world.  But its like a windy day on the beach.

Karen posted this picture yesterday to commemorate the end of summer and the beginning of school for Eliza.  They are so wonderful.  Hug to you all.

Tomorrow I will buy a new adapter so I can download photos once more.