April 20, 2025
Sunday morning feel so bad, I've got Monday on my mind. 
Are those the real lyrics?  It's also not true.  Weekends no longer hold the same place in my life.  Tomorrow will be as beneficial as Sunday was.   


Through years of not speaking              I hungrily read through your poems      Looking for me.

Looking for phrases that describe         your eternal affection for me,         your subtle obsession, your pinched             heart.                                              I wanted to know you missed me           I ached to know you needed me.   Were there lyrics in your songs             or a special color that made you            see my eyes hold on to yours?               Or which song that came on the radio   did you want to share immediately?      Your lonely morning thoughts                over coffee and tea and a few                 cigarettes at the morning dining table.

Could our worlds really never gel   

or was it fear that kept us apart?



Today was gorgeous.  At noontime it was 55 at the rookery.  I don't think it got as warm as it did yesterday, but it sparkled.  I did not.  I stayed wrapped in that feeling of never quite able to be enough.  What a silly common thing for a woman to do to herself?  I have to tell you I have been enough for me.   


It's Easter, but it hasn't meant anything to me since Paul and Molly moved a way.  Strange, but true.  I did think of renewal today, and I thought of redefining my life once again.   I did think about how to regenerate and what was working well these days.  That's what Easter is for, to reflect on resurrection.  


I learned two new words today and I learned the symbolism of robins.

Word 1:Limerence: a state of intense infatuation or obsession with another person.  

Word 2: Polymath: an individual with expertise and knowledge across a wide range of subjects.  (Renaissance Woman)

Robins symbolize the message of change or resurgence.  

Now see what happens when T. and I hang out and talk about poetry, we learn.

T. made me dinner tonight.  Thanks!!


I kind of want to write a sentence describing something I cared about each day this week.
You taught me to cube cantaloupe even for breakfast.
I ache for my child, for never caring for her tears.
I don't want to repeat this pattern with anyone new. 
Heron, red tailed, 3 kingfisher, tree swallows, kingbird,
I do search for myself in his poetry, but I'm not there
It's part of wanting to be the center of someone else's universe.





 

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