May 11, 2026

I will always think of my brother, Mike, when I see a single Canada goose.  He did a tremendous photo shoot of one years and years ago.  I think of it every time.  I don't know where this guy's mate was.  They've both been in the field for the past few days, but not today, nor were there any turkeys about.

I've taken photos of this over the past few years. I took it when the first nest held grackle babies and you could see Mom feed them.  Slowly but surely this seemingly super safe space had deteriorated.  Today it was collapsed.  My assumption is the next big wind storm will take it down.

I really did use the rookery as an office today.  The weather was very inconsistent and I thought when I got up from my nap I would go shoot sunny photos, but by the time I got there it was totally overcast, not very warm and full of inconsistencies.  But I did a few things and then drove back down and ran a couple errands.  Came home to  a cold house and after I post this I'm finding a new book and climbing under down.    

Tell me what thread of ideas should I try to follow, keep going with?  

Heron appeared today, I don't think there are enough frogs to make it worthwhile for him to come over often.  I don't know where his nest is, or where his community is.   I know there are fish in the pond, and there are clearly a lot of insects feeding the swallows.  But there does not seem to be a lot for the bigger birds.  I didn't even see turtles today.

I saw a small bird I did not recognize today up close.  He seemed hurt, and he was on a limb close to the road.  I stopped and watched but by the time I went to photograph him his distress had moved him along.  He was maybe 6 inches long with a black back, orange wings and a whitish chest.  He was about 2/3 rds the size of a robin.  I took him as a sign of something, but I couldn't identify him and I couldn't read the sign.  LOL.

I want to say more about Jay's ceremony on Saturday, but I'm not sure what I want to say.  A year ago May 9th was Mothers' Day.  I was taken to dinner by a friend who honored me, recognized me as a kind of mother figure.  I didn't hear from him at all this year.  Trauma is something I know extremely well and I know how it makes people behave.  I wonder why I accepted Jay's love under his conditions for all those years and I know it is because I accepted the trauma and the disease of addiction.  Never again.  Never again.