February 13, 2026
I am legal and free.  YAY

My car sits up higher and is heavier, it's substantial, it feels safe.  I have to get used to how much more room it takes up on the road and I have to learn about all the new buttons.  I have reading to do.  It's supercalafragilisticexpialadocious.  You think that's how you spell it?  Spell check doesn't.  


Went to Wagon Wheel for a salad.  There was a grandmother and her three granddaughters getting ice cream before they went to the Turners High School to see Sound of Music.  I thought, that would be fun, and then I thought, no it wouldn't, it'd be depressing.  Oh well, for a minute I thought about going to a show alone and if it had been a different show I may have done it.   



Grief is at the forefront of my being once again.  It kind of feels like I'm coming down with a cold, or I've been slammed in the face by a birch log.  Or allergies have taken over my frontal lobe.   But actually it's grief.  All of a sudden that ewer that is my shell is full and I have to rest.  It doesn't come on slowly it's just absolutely unnegotiably full.   


I figured out how to get the old license plates off the Honda and my new plates on and I went out for a journey.  It was a little after four when I went up the hill and the pinks were beginning to appear.


Again, I saw no big birds.  A couple of photographers over on the Hudson River just posted wonderful photos of eagles mating; their dance is so dramatic and the photographs are enviable.  But I saw no such activity. I went up and around the rookery and then I headed over to Turners.  The sunset was beginning so I went to the Cove for the first time in a long time.  It was lovely.  


I'm in the middle of a poem about Tom's death.  The juxtaposition of Tom's and Jay's deaths is fascinating.  Tom lived until the end, Jay decided to die 3 years ago and stopped.  It took his heart 3 years to catch up with his soul.  


I need comfort, but I don't know what would give it to me.  I feel like being held, but I don't want anyone around.  I'd love to watch a movie, but my eyes feel as though I've been crying for a week and I have not shed a tear.  It was a long week. 





 

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