January 25, 2026

The snow started before 10 a.m. and the temperature is still 5.  Why doesn't the snow know it is too cold for it to snow? 

Alright it has been snowing for 9 and a half hours and I believe we have 10 inches or so.  I went out at five to learn to use the electric shovel that Gary brought me.  It's pretty funky.  I didn't get pics, I will when I go out next.

Just as I went out Brian came with the plow.  He did a quick run through to stay in front of it.  Said we are expecting 20 inches before morning.   This really is an old fashion storm.  I've felt very calmed by it because there has been no howling winds. It's been kind of what the doctor ordered.

Jay and I moved to Greenfield in August of 1978.  The first time he wanted to go to Maine to visit Mimi I was afraid for him to leave me in the house alone.   I had to figure out strategies for how to be alone in that house.   We had upstairs neighbors at the point who we were just getting to know, but basically I was very nervous.   I actually watched a golf tournament on TV to distract myself from the anxiety.   That was 48 years ago.  Now I know I need that loneness.  Growth, the growth of someone who grew up a 4th child in the middle of 7 where I did not learn to be alone.  

The Ballard is a newspaper out of Portland, Me., published by Chris Busby.   Chris has written an article about Jay and his poetry life.  It goes to print tonight.  When I can I will post the site.  It's a really good article and he has interspersed a lot of his poetry in it.  I put one at the bottom of tonight's blog.   I spent a lot of the morning talking with Jay's daughter and Chris.  I think we will put together an event to showcase his poetry in the Spring.  Reading it is difficult and especially when you know he ended in such bad shape, but it's really worth remembering it and sharing it.  It is really good work.  

I think the hardest thing I learned in therapy was that both the awful things and choices Daddy made and his talents and bond with me existed.  They were both true.  He was all of that,  he was an addict, bipolar, hurtful, intensely talented/gifted, brilliant.  He loved me dearly and I him.  All of it was true about the whole package.   The same is true about Jay.  He was all of the wonderful and bad things in one man.   I hope Kelley finds peace with that much quicker than I did with my father. I know Jay was inspired by Kelley.  He loved his kids and understood them and why he made some  of the decisions he made I will never understand, but I do know it is all truth. 

So I've stayed pretty consistent with my alter to bring peace to our lives individually and globally.  Our villages, our communities are inspirational these days.  We are living in complexity and we are coming together.  We need to continue to do so, continue to congregate, continue to voice what is right.

I wish I had gotten to Northampton last night to see the Andrea Gibson movie.  I need to see it and soak in the message and the hope I hear it brings.  

 Writing It Down

I sat down to write a short story
about death. It was an autobiography,
and I kept writing it for so long
it wasn’t short anymore, and it wasn’t
even a story. This was a big problem! 

So then, it occurred to me that
no one had ever written a 900 page
autobiographical epic poetic tragedy,
at least none that I had ever seen
or read, so I set about re-writing

the whole ludicrous novella in rhyming
heroic couplets. This was going to take
years, with so few active verbs that
rhyme with New Hampshire, divorce,
and methamphetamine. And I’m always

surrounded by distraction. My thesaurus
is dog-eared and broken-spined with trying
to tell me what all this history means.
And the history keeps happening; I can’t
write it down fast enough!

I don’t want anyone to read this work in progress,
but I want everyone to know I’m working on it.
It’s self-titled. It will be available only at
independent bookstores, or on 12-inch vinyl.
Millions of readers worldwide will ignore it.

Even the critics will fail to notice.
This would be a complete waste of time,
except that it’s built my vocabulary,
and I don’t know how to summon
the strength to stop its inertial roll.

My next book, I swear it, will be self-help.
A moneymaker. Letting Go & Just Gathering Moss.
I’ll know how it ends before I start writing it.
I’ve already written the conclusion.
It will end with “So there!”

Jay C. Davis

From The Hard Way, 2006