January 1, 2026

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2026.  I spent some time with my altar today, rearranged it, took some stuff off, placed some new things on it.  I burnt several different kinds of incense for both clarification and for protection.  I paid attention to the stories of how I gained possession of these items.  The oldest one in this photo is the small bronze elephant which may have been my first incense burner.  Andy gave it to me in 1968.  It was bought at the Indian store in Westport.  I still own a lot of things from that store.   The newest thing on the altar is the mistletoe which Jo gave me on Solstice this year and the 2 intentions I have left in my bowl.  But all of the items, the vessels, rocks, shells,  have some tiny meaning or memory associated with them and together when placed on the same beautiful piece of wood creates a small generator of powerful energy I used daily this past year.   

 EJ's Manhattan trip is a success.  They're with a group of friends from Bard, they took in the New Year and they witnessed the inauguration.  I think I'm jealous.  I think I wish I had the emotional and physical strength to go witness history being made, to put a sacred spell on the Mayor's ability to succeed in New York.   Part of me still wants to have those adventures and part of me just needs to be home with my books and incense.  This is what being 70 is all about; beginning to lose the capacity or energy for doing all those things before you have to give it all up.  It's the slow climb into the life of an elder.  

It was  cold and windy and I made the decision to stay home alone and not do anything that I thought I was going to do.  The lack of motivation is not depression, but I'm feeling an abundance of grief and sadness and I don't seem able to process it properly.  So I just stayed home and fiddled with things.  I took a couple of photos on the porch, but I didn't go outdoors.

Tomorrow I will bring the car to the mechanic.  Gary will pick me up and bring me to the Y. I will get a ride to the Coop before noon and then I will have to figure out what to do next.  That will depend on what the mechanic says.  

Ember bought duck to make for dinner tomorrow night.  I feel like this is like the 3rd time this year that I've had to change plans on him when he's made special arrangements to do something for me.  I'm feeling like a crappy aunt.  But this is just an illustration of the types of things that have been happening in the past few months that make me want to surrender to ennui.  That's how Neville died, you know?  

No big New Year anything, no enlightenment, no big realization, no big concrete action plan, just the knowledge that things they are a changin'.    I hope that's for the good.   I hope that I'm sliding into place to accomplish a few already known goals.  I hope I stay warmed and held by the beauty of my communities and the care of so many people. 

Last night Clara posted a series of photos of her year.  Made me smile to see one of me with 2 plates of beans, rice and tacos in front of me.  I must have the reverse photo, but it was so demonstrative of the simple lovely things in my life that make it all worth it; stable food, good friends, good conversation, and laughter.  Here's  to more small dinner parties this year.