Being all wound up about the healthcare system of this country does not inspire the poet in me. I have sat down four different times today to write and have sat and stewed about my health and the system conceived by insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, and politicians and I just get more irate as I go on. Healthcare, nor education, is a business, and it certainly should not be treated as a way to raise multimillions of dollars for the benefit of the few on top. Healthcare is expensive and needs to be prioritized differently or we will all just get sicker and sicker. And I guess, that maybe the goal for some, but I don't think for a majority. Policies have to change to help people live healthier lives and need fewer pills and want more activity, garden produce and better air to breath.
In spite of my disgruntled attitude towards my body and the medical world, this past week was filled with things to celebrate and take in awe. I'm going to take stock tonight, to list the interesting, meaningful events of the week. Recently, I've been discovering that I don't remember as much as I used to. I can wake up and not remember what I did the day before. It comes back, but it's not the clear window it used to be. So I will intentionally reflect and say what was good.
So Monday, ahhh the pool, I got into the pool, oh thank the Goddess for the pool.
Tuesday was complicated because Monday ended with my car breaking down, but it also ended with T. fixing it and Emily's gift of chicken parm lasagna. Solid proof that I am so well cared for. And the lasagna was delicious, but Tuesday started out with the focus on a broken car and the potential of no oil, oh yeah, and no SNAP benefits. But I managed to get a clear diagnosis on the car, lunch with David and a clear plan for next steps, which I have to say I have accomplished. I then got Amie and voted, again grateful. After I voted I went to the rookery and I got an evening of quiet.
Wednesday, the pool again and therapy, much needed, much appreciated.
Thursday, staff meeting and putting final details on the CAS show. And the pleasure of watching V.'s reading. It's hard to articulate why this event was so important. For six years the staff have worked on building supportive groups of artists in different genres. The theater group has been extremely active and Thursday was proof they've been extremely successful in helping each other grow in their fields. So much joy to watch them all work together.
Friday, I took the whole day to be quiet. The pain in my leg has been bad and I thought I would just be kind to my body, so I did. SNAP benefits were returned for the month and I was gifted 100 gallons of oil while I figure out how to pay for heat this winter.
Saturday was wonderful except I had run out of insulin Friday and I couldn't get any. But the opening was delightful, not only did 24 out of the 30 artists show with friends and family but there all these small things that happened during the day that made me smile. There was so much community in the room and so much chatter about each other's work. There kids there to support a parent or a grandparent. Small circles of people gathered all over the place.
And what I've noticed this year is that I do some event that I really appreciate and my body falls apart. I spent the whole night last night trying to get comfortable and to relax and it never happened.
Sunday, I am again grateful for my friends and their love for me. I found some insulin to tied me over and David got it for me. I got some laundry done, I got a good nap. I checked in with a lot of love ones. I did not get to Ember's which made me sad, so sad. Tomorrow I will go and have lunch with Margie at Embers and see the gang for a short time.
Meanwhile, I am sad, even though I know all these sweet things happened this week. It's ok to sit with sadness, but it is hard for me, and it's hard to separate sadness from depression I am not depressed tonight, I am sad. Tomorrow I will bring home photos of Eliza and Ethan and Zoe. And tonight I will sleep a much deeper sleep. Good night everyone.
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