February 4, 2025

Sunset at 5:08 tonight.  

I spent a good part of the mornng in a dentist chair instead of a pool.  I had two spontaneous physical responses to this.  The first was to roll over and go to sleep, the second was to jump up and run away.  I did neither.  I acted like a mature adult and shut down further and further as the time went on.  I have to say I've warmed up to this dentist.  He's efficient and good as a dentist.  I was less put off by his bedside manner today.  5 years ago I wanted to punch him.  Today, I just wanted to run away. 


David came up and had lunch with me.  I needed someone to come and be my friend.  I melted down so far I couldn't think through how to do what I needed to do.  By the time he went home I was able to do some of those errands.  Now I have a matching cane and snow brush in pretty blue.   Very important. 



I still have not found out all of the facts in regards to my friend's death except that she had the flu.  
I'm exhausted.   I know that I was aware for the past two weeks of how much the installation was taking out of me, but I don't think I was conscious until today how spent I really was.  I really did have fun this weekend and was so happy it was such a success, but it also did me in physically.  I really did sit in that dentist chair this morning saying I don't have it in me to do this today.  It took David's pointing it out to me to make me realize, "hey wait a minute, Lindy, you did a huge amount in January."

There is so much shit going on nationally that it is hard to hold onto the positive things.  Like EJ's story being accepted by the Journal of Ethics and Writing.  How cool is that?  Or the fact that a community of writers got together and read their stuff on Saturday, creating the supportive and open community that is so important at the moment.   

Time for me to write more, time for me to sit by the rookery daily once again.  Time for me to finish the applications for help with my house.  Time for me to caretake me and dream for me.  

Meanwhile, I don't have it in me to start a new free press, but I am getting new subscriptions to The Atlantic and The New Yorker.  I also will read HRC daily.  


And I will go back to the practice of taking a daily ride and photographing the beauty I see.  



 

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